[ It's not really a loaded question. Just that Marcoh had time to think about a lot of things while he finally settled into an empty apartment. His thoughts went to his sister and if she was going to be all right.
How long will she wait? He hopes not long. But what if he returns? Will he ever be able to find her again? And what about the others? Will they be okay without them? They still have each other so he wants to believe in them. Is it okay to believe in them? He didn't know them for long, but it's okay, isn't it?
And what about those questions he was given? He thinks about it. He answered honestly because he was afraid of what would happen if he didn't. Where did those answers go? Was it safe to do that? If he lied, what would have happened? He wished he could have asked someone, but he was too worried about repercussions to think rationally.
What keeps him up at night? The guilt of everything that he's done, but he still did it. Did he have a right to feel guilty? This was a question that plagued him in the city, too. Was he just feeling guilty because he thought that was what he was supposed to feel? To give himself the false impression that he was a good person? Did he deserve to be part of the festival for what he did? Did he deserve any of the mercy that he was granted? ]
Figured it was good to follow up after we talked last. I know a lot of this is pretty overwhelming, and I still don't have any good answers to our present situation.
[Honestly, despite himself, he is quietly worried for Marcoh. Technically, he knows a lot of people in this city longer than he's known the man, but there's something to be said about really fast dark bonding during a battle royale in a really fucked up Old God Festival.]
thanks. you don't have to do everything. it's okay to not know right now.
we just have to take things one step at a time. found a place. settling into a place. talk to some people and make some connections. look after one another.
[Even if it's not always realistic, but reading those words does kind of make him feel a little better. Though he wonders if Marcoh works himself that hard, in the way Daan works hard to appear detached while also stupendously failing at it because he can't help but give a shit. Hm.]
Something I didn't tell you is that I've been here for a month. That's a month without anything useful to report. But when you saw me, it seemed like for you we weren't apart for long.
Tell me something Marcoh. Before I found you in this place, how long had it been since you saw me?
Marcoh thinks of what he is going to write. He thinks he'll write: "Someone has to be." Joking and lightly prodding at one another just as they did back in Prehevil.
But he stops.
The air rushes out of his lungs. The space around him feels like it has shifted. Goosebumps rise on his arms and down the back of his neck. A month.
Daan looked a little different than when he last saw him, but he didn't think anything of it. No, there was a lot to consider and he didn't pay attention. There's a difference.
A month. Alll-mer... The name of the god feels foreign in his head; like it doesn't belong, like he shouldn't even think to call to him. ]
[That isn't what Daan remembers. He remembers Abella dropping them all off at the bar. He thought to ask her where she was headed, but he held his tongue because she looked like a woman on a mission, her gaze intense.
Then they were back on the train, somehow. Except Abella. And there were too many unanswered questions, as always. What did she do? Did it have to do with the bunkers and those weird devices they were triggering? How did it end the festival to ensure they lived?
Beyond that, he lacked answers on Elise and the baron. Or whatever they ended up being. It all still haunts him, and the only benefit being in this city is knowing that damned cat hasn't followed so far.]
This is a real pain in the ass. I'm sure this is the part where O'saa would look like it wasn't a big deal, like we're the fools for not getting it.
I don't know what happened. Why there's some disconnect between our experiences like this. Probably something to do with otherworldly bullshit. Probably not worth overthinking at this point, either.
But I appreciate your answer.
[Maybe it's better this way? It saves Marcoh some unnecessary memories and worries.]
[ He nods, then feels foolish for doing so, since Daan can't see him.
There is a severe disconnect. Why is it that he remembers seeing him ten minutes ago and it has been a month? He would have remembered if Daan just went missing. They would have given up looking for supplies to make sure that the doctor was all right. Of course, that would be if they were told about it.
Then, could it be that they won't be gone for long? Is that all right to think of it that way?
He scratches his head and feels his head hurt a little more. But he decides to reread what Daan has written. Yet again, he nods -- and ignores the embarrassment that wells up in doing so. Breathing out, he agrees that it's just some otherworldly shit and there's nothing they can do about it.
Still, he gets up -- he wants to do something about it.
[ He thinks about saying that he's sorry that Daan's been alone, but he hasn't. Daan already said that he's talked to people and formed a small group that works with him. ]
It's fine. Honestly, as far as news goes, it could have been worse.
If anything, I kind of just dumped a new aspect into our laps. There isn't much more we can do with it, so we might as well just keep going as we have.
[ Another new aspect. Will they return and years will have passed? Or will it be like they never left and what happens here will be like it never happened? Which is worse? Without knowing what's ahead, it's frightening in another way. Furthermore, he keeps thinking that they'll be able to return. Why? When did he get that idea? Why did he get that idea? What if they don't? What will happen?
There's no way to know. There's nothing to do with that information. It's just like Daan said. They can't do anything with it without knowing. People come back from the dead here.
He swallows. ]
it'll be all right
so long as we're all together and not alone it'll be all right
[How much does Marcoh believe that, and how much is him trying to be strong for both of them? Daan has a decent opinion of the man, having witnessed his numerous selfless actions and how he'd position himself to guard the door to the bar, to go first as they worked to survive the streets of Prehevil.
But it feels like these words are just as much for Marcoh himself. Daan wishes he had something better to say about it.]
Yeah.
So, keep that in mind if you need anything, got it?
[ This is all handy -- the ability to send messages like this. The ability to hide how he's feeling despite talking to someone.
He takes a second to look at his hands. He turns them over, curling his fingers. Is he trying to tell himself this is reality? That he hasn't gone crazy? They haven't gone crazy?
He picks up the phone. ]
i know i just got here but that goes for you, too if you need anything, i'll do what i can for you, ok?
[ Well, even if they did, he still wants to do his best for Daan, for everyone. ]
Oh, good. I'm glad. Here, one of the kids taught me this one
:)
If you turn your head it looks like a smile.
Anyway, if I can think of anything, I'll let you know. Right now I'm conducting some physicals and general check-ups on patients. Honestly most of it is going to be pretty boring, so I wouldn't drag you into that. But I might ask if you can actively look for any small knives from the various places around here. I'm still trying to come up with a replacement scalpel.
[ He pauses. He doesn't want to the conversation to turn difficult, again, but he wonders -- it seems also very hard to find any sort of thing that could be considered "a weapon." How did that person kill their victim?
His fingers lightly press into the keys before he lets it go. It's a better question for later. There's so many other questions that he wants to ask, but -- he doesn't have the words for them yet.
He will, though. He hopes that he will. ]
and i promise not to eat food off the floor in return :)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
faststance
text; un; loveless
Date: 2023-08-13 04:28 am (UTC)You doing all right?
1/2
Date: 2023-08-13 04:39 am (UTC)How long will she wait? He hopes not long. But what if he returns? Will he ever be able to find her again? And what about the others? Will they be okay without them? They still have each other so he wants to believe in them. Is it okay to believe in them? He didn't know them for long, but it's okay, isn't it?
And what about those questions he was given? He thinks about it. He answered honestly because he was afraid of what would happen if he didn't. Where did those answers go? Was it safe to do that? If he lied, what would have happened? He wished he could have asked someone, but he was too worried about repercussions to think rationally.
What keeps him up at night? The guilt of everything that he's done, but he still did it. Did he have a right to feel guilty? This was a question that plagued him in the city, too. Was he just feeling guilty because he thought that was what he was supposed to feel? To give himself the false impression that he was a good person? Did he deserve to be part of the festival for what he did? Did he deserve any of the mercy that he was granted? ]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 04:39 am (UTC)yea
why?
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 04:43 am (UTC)[Honestly, despite himself, he is quietly worried for Marcoh. Technically, he knows a lot of people in this city longer than he's known the man, but there's something to be said about really fast dark bonding during a battle royale in a really fucked up Old God Festival.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 04:46 am (UTC)you don't have to do everything. it's okay to not know right now.
we just have to take things one step at a time.
found a place. settling into a place.
talk to some people and make some connections.
look after one another.
we'll be okay. i'll be okay, too.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 04:53 am (UTC)[Even if it's not always realistic, but reading those words does kind of make him feel a little better. Though he wonders if Marcoh works himself that hard, in the way Daan works hard to appear detached while also stupendously failing at it because he can't help but give a shit. Hm.]
Something I didn't tell you is that I've been here for a month. That's a month without anything useful to report. But when you saw me, it seemed like for you we weren't apart for long.
Tell me something Marcoh. Before I found you in this place, how long had it been since you saw me?
1/2
Date: 2023-08-13 05:00 am (UTC)Marcoh thinks of what he is going to write. He thinks he'll write: "Someone has to be." Joking and lightly prodding at one another just as they did back in Prehevil.
But he stops.
The air rushes out of his lungs. The space around him feels like it has shifted. Goosebumps rise on his arms and down the back of his neck. A month.
Daan looked a little different than when he last saw him, but he didn't think anything of it. No, there was a lot to consider and he didn't pay attention. There's a difference.
A month. Alll-mer... The name of the god feels foreign in his head; like it doesn't belong, like he shouldn't even think to call to him. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 05:02 am (UTC)you were mixing drinks in the bar
tanaka was talking about getting supplies
we had just left to go looking for some
it wasn't that long
ten minutes? maybe
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 05:10 am (UTC)[That isn't what Daan remembers. He remembers Abella dropping them all off at the bar. He thought to ask her where she was headed, but he held his tongue because she looked like a woman on a mission, her gaze intense.
Then they were back on the train, somehow. Except Abella. And there were too many unanswered questions, as always. What did she do? Did it have to do with the bunkers and those weird devices they were triggering? How did it end the festival to ensure they lived?
Beyond that, he lacked answers on Elise and the baron. Or whatever they ended up being. It all still haunts him, and the only benefit being in this city is knowing that damned cat hasn't followed so far.]
This is a real pain in the ass. I'm sure this is the part where O'saa would look like it wasn't a big deal, like we're the fools for not getting it.
I don't know what happened. Why there's some disconnect between our experiences like this. Probably something to do with otherworldly bullshit. Probably not worth overthinking at this point, either.
But I appreciate your answer.
[Maybe it's better this way? It saves Marcoh some unnecessary memories and worries.]
1/2
Date: 2023-08-13 05:18 am (UTC)There is a severe disconnect. Why is it that he remembers seeing him ten minutes ago and it has been a month? He would have remembered if Daan just went missing. They would have given up looking for supplies to make sure that the doctor was all right. Of course, that would be if they were told about it.
Then, could it be that they won't be gone for long? Is that all right to think of it that way?
He scratches his head and feels his head hurt a little more. But he decides to reread what Daan has written. Yet again, he nods -- and ignores the embarrassment that wells up in doing so. Breathing out, he agrees that it's just some otherworldly shit and there's nothing they can do about it.
Still, he gets up -- he wants to do something about it.
He walks around the small room.
There's nothing he can do...
... he sits back down. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 05:20 am (UTC)you're welcome
sorry it wasn't better news
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 05:39 am (UTC)If anything, I kind of just dumped a new aspect into our laps. There isn't much more we can do with it, so we might as well just keep going as we have.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 04:06 pm (UTC)[ Another new aspect. Will they return and years will have passed? Or will it be like they never left and what happens here will be like it never happened? Which is worse? Without knowing what's ahead, it's frightening in another way. Furthermore, he keeps thinking that they'll be able to return. Why? When did he get that idea? Why did he get that idea? What if they don't? What will happen?
There's no way to know. There's nothing to do with that information. It's just like Daan said. They can't do anything with it without knowing. People come back from the dead here.
He swallows. ]
it'll be all right
so long as we're all together and not alone
it'll be all right
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 06:38 pm (UTC)But it feels like these words are just as much for Marcoh himself. Daan wishes he had something better to say about it.]
Yeah.
So, keep that in mind if you need anything, got it?
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 09:02 pm (UTC)[ This is all handy -- the ability to send messages like this. The ability to hide how he's feeling despite talking to someone.
He takes a second to look at his hands. He turns them over, curling his fingers. Is he trying to tell himself this is reality? That he hasn't gone crazy? They haven't gone crazy?
He picks up the phone. ]
i know i just got here
but that goes for you, too
if you need anything, i'll do what i can for you, ok?
[ Well, even if they did, he still wants to do his best for Daan, for everyone. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 09:45 pm (UTC)Thank you, Marcoh. Sorry it wasn't a more pleasant conversation.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 09:47 pm (UTC)so don't feel sorry about it
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 10:24 pm (UTC)I'll try not to, then.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 10:53 pm (UTC)i'm a terribly reasonable guy
promise?
no subject
Date: 2023-08-13 10:56 pm (UTC)Seriously? I guess I should be grateful you aren't trying to make me pinky promise or something. Fine. I promise I'll try to not worry about it.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-14 04:04 am (UTC)[ He felt he had to write it since, well, Daan wouldn't know. ]
thank you
you do a lot for people, for me
i'm glad i can at least try to take some of this off your shoulders
no subject
Date: 2023-08-14 05:20 am (UTC):)
If you turn your head it looks like a smile.
Anyway, if I can think of anything, I'll let you know. Right now I'm conducting some physicals and general check-ups on patients. Honestly most of it is going to be pretty boring, so I wouldn't drag you into that. But I might ask if you can actively look for any small knives from the various places around here. I'm still trying to come up with a replacement scalpel.
1/3
Date: 2023-08-15 03:44 am (UTC):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)[ He makes a few of them, smiles briefly at how they look in a line and deletes them soon after. ]
that's clever :)
no subject
Date: 2023-08-15 03:45 am (UTC)or anything that can be used like that, anyway
no subject
Date: 2023-08-15 03:47 am (UTC)His fingers lightly press into the keys before he lets it go. It's a better question for later. There's so many other questions that he wants to ask, but -- he doesn't have the words for them yet.
He will, though. He hopes that he will. ]
and i promise not to eat food off the floor in return :)
no subject
Date: 2023-08-15 04:10 am (UTC)[Honestly, seeing Marcoh use those little faces is terribly endearing.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-19 05:27 pm (UTC)we have a vacation
kind of
:)
[ Just ignore all the crippling guilt and worry - hell yeah, vacation time. Woo. Woo out your worries and sadness. ]